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Neighborhood Briefs : Cliches by 'Hood

Neighborhood Briefs : Cliches by 'Hood

There are a ton of different neighborhoods in the city, all with their own separate vibes. A few years ago, one of my friends was moving to The City, and needed some help. She'd only been here once, and only for a weekend. I sent her a version of this breakdown by neighborhood. It's full of cliches, truths and little tips about location, public transit, weather and quality of bars/restaurants. This is by no means a comprehensive guide, it doesn't include all neighborhoods, but it does include a lot. If you've lived here for a while, this list should be entertaining. If you're looking to relocate to The City, or are just looking to change neighborhoods, hopefully this brief will give you a a laugh and an abstract idea about the place. I'm not an expert, but I have lived in SF for the last eight years, and in seven neighborhoods. 

Here's your neighborhood breakdown!

Downtown - Men in blue shirts, beer, money, hurried, tall buildings, old men, interns, lunch spots, windy

Nob Hill- Postcard views, good weather, touristy, cable cars, garbage, centrally located, walk to Downtown, Marina, Tendernob, Tenderloin, SoMa

Union Square - tourist mecca, shopping, busy, homeless people, hot dogs, crowds

Tenderloin- crack heads, gangsters, hookers, meth, needles, fun bars, garbage, homeless people, evolution

Tendernob - less crack heads, gangsters, hookers and meth, good weather, centrally located, walk Downtown and to Union Square, fun bars, good food

Chinatown - Crazy crowded, touristy, okay food, dirty, smelly, poop, homeless people, public transit, old people, kids, lots of junk stores, red plastic bags, firecrackers, Chinese Mai Tais

North Beach - SF's little Italy, good food, nice weather, touristy but with old school locals, cafes, park, wine, bars, cover bands, bacon-wrapped hot dogs

Telegraph Hill - Rich people, Coit Tower, gardens, secret places, views, parrots, stairs

Polk - Changing, bars, donuts, bacon-wrapped hot dogs, beer, frats, boutiques

Marina District- Rich people with babies, bars, pretty good weather, frats, Dateway, shopping, brunch yoga pants, views, techies, white people, wine, more wine

Fort Mason - frats, Golden Gate Bridge views, sunshine, grass, beer, chardonay, corn hole

Pacific Heights- super rich, mansions, people with cars, dogs and babies, overlooks the bay, people who are never home, maids and cooks

Seacliff - Beach, mansions, views, fog

SOMA - where the tech companies are, tons of lofts, fancy apartments, high rises, new development, rats, poop, garbage, homeless people, needles

South Beach - New condos, high rises, waterfront, Giants

Dog Patch - Evolving, brick buildings, warehouses, beer, whiskey, wine, yummy food, new construction

Third Street - Beer, change, parking, sunny, diverse, homeowners, public transit

Bernal Heights - Village feel, views, parks, kids, swings, porches, families

Bayview - Sunshine, diversity, homeowners, cars, strip malls, nurseries, industrial, mead, beer

Mid-Market- Many empty buildings but changing fast, Twitter, beer, big blocks, adaptive re-use, growth, rebirth, art

Van Ness - busy, garbage, homeless people, dense housing, close to public transit

Mission - hipsters, day drinking, Dolores Park, bars, cheap drinks, burritos, live music, palm trees, sunny, hot,  trendy, great weather, feels like no one ever works, upscale shopping, new construction, angry residents, techies, evictions, no longer cheap and actually quite expensive, poop, strange smells, art, murals, graffiti 

Outer Mission - further from Downtown, further from techies, families, 'Calle 24' district, yummy food, village feel, many long-term residents, neighborhood in flux

Noe Valley - Babies, yoga, strollers, organic, cars, techies, million dollar homes

Potrero Hill - Projects on one side, single family homes with views on the other, good weather, great views, cute small shops, coffee, pretty houses, cute families

Design District - 'to the trade' stores, pretty things, money, burritos (really good burritos) can be creepy on the weekends, homeless people in RVs, lots of poop

Alamo Square - the Full House house is here! Tourists, fog, cute dogs

Divisadero - New Valencia Street, new shops, 4505 BBQ, tacos, BiRite Market, hipsters, coffee, bikes

Western Addition / Nopa - housing, diversity, good food, bars, close to public transit

Japantown - Japanese grocery stores, candy, sushi, ramen, izakaya, noodles

The Fillmore - music, jazz, soul, displacement

Hayes Valley - high-end stores, yummy pasteries and candy, coffee, gentrifiers pretending they're regular people, centrally located, close to public transit

Lower Haight - tons of bars and good food, centrally located, close to public transportation, great for walking almost anywhere, beer, pot

Castro- Gay people, fun bars, good food, sunny, cute families, color, happiness, pot

Haight/Ashbury - hippies, pot, thrift/vintage stores, head shops, tatoo parlors, tourists, bars, live music, Whole Foods, poop, smells like pot

Inner Sunset - Golden Gate Park, good food, village feel, kinda foggy, mostly residential, old UCSF Hospital, soup, less parking

Parkside - Foggy, large single family homes, people who have lived here forever, old people

Parkmerced - Expensive, close to SF State, old people, college kids, beer, nearly in Daly City, cars

West Portal - Little foggy village, close to public transit, pubs, yummy burgers, MUNI tunnel

Outer Sunset - 'Outer Lands', long commute to Downtown, yummy breakfast, fog, beach, sand dunes, windmill, SF Zoo, families with dogs and older kids, parking, old people

Richmond - Golden Gate Park,  food, fun bars, residential, families, single people, beer supply store, nurseries, old people, yummy Asian food, local grocery stores

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